Music Lessons

While the Christmas knitting continues on this rainy and miserable loooking day, the book I'm reading at the moment brings us back to the guitar.

Guitar Man tells of Will Hodgkinson's decision, at the age of 35 and with a wife and two small children, that it's time for him to fulfill a longheld dream and learn to play the guitar. He gives himself 6 months to form a band and play a gig.

His musical journey takes him from Cornwall to Mississippi, meeting guitar pros like Bert Jansch, Johnny Marr, Roger McGuinn and PJ Harvey for tips and advice. Plus, it's hilarious.

It's also comforting to see someone else facing exactly the same problems and set backs that I've had in trying to learn to play. The frustration at not being able to get your hands to do what you want; the complete mystery of watching someone play a fairly simple tune and having no idea of how to replicate it; the overwhelming sense that some people are musical and talented and you're just clearly not one of them.

On almost every page is a set-back or experience I've shared at some point (along with a few small victories) so it's great to know I'm not alone. It's a brilliant read for anyone learning, or tempted to learn, any instrument as an adult.

I've hit a bit of a rut with my playing lately and it's tricky when you want to try something more complicated but don't really know where to start. So I decided to go back to what made me determined not to have my guitar just decorating my room, but actually learn to play the damn thing. I'd had it for a couple of years and could play a few simple songs, but watching KT Tunstall's now infamous performance on Jools Holland blew me away:



Admit it, even if you're not a fan of her music it's pretty impressive isn't it? Apart from anything else her timing is immaculate all the way through. God knows how I'm ever going to be able to play like that - and of course a lot of what she's doing isn't actually about the guitar - but it's a vast improvement on the image of a one-man-band after Dick van Dyke.

And it definitely helps to find a song you really love so that you can practice that, rather than trying to learn new techniques in isolation. Which is what led me to a website designed for learner guitar players where various pop folk have made a video teaching you to play their song - Now Play It. Not a huge variety of stuff on there and, as Guitar Man proves, a lot of performers aren't actually very good teachers - they just want to show off and aren't capable of breaking it down and explaining how they actually do it.

But I decided to give Miss Tunstall the benefit of the doubt and downloaded her lesson on Black Horse and the Cherry Tree (a friend had given me the sheet music but that only gives you the chords). And she's actually a really good teacher, who not only explains the techniques she's using, but suggests different exercises to help you master them and goes nice and slowly for us uncoordinated amateurs.

The site is, of course, a horribly commercial way to tap into those teenagers (oh, alright and those of us who should be old enough to know better, ahem) who are strumming away in their bedrooms and who, apparently, are dying to know the secrets of the latest hit from OneRepublic. Admittedly, it lacks the romance and authenticity of a rocking chair on a Mississippi porch. But it's a lot cheaper than guitar lessons and the videos are nicely put together, with chord diagrams etc, so it's one more resource to make use of.

Despite KT's clear instructions, my progress remains pretty slow. I'm still trying to master the strumming pattern and the dampening technique and then there's the fiddly bit of the one-string intro, not forgetting the palm muting and of course the seamless changes from chord to no-chord and - well, as you can see - I've got a way to go yet. And that's just to play it without a loop pedal.

So, for now, please excuse me as I have to take advantage of the neighbours probably being out, in order to master my palm mute without driving them to post a molotov cocktail through my letterbox.

Strum-strum-stop-strum-stop-strum-strum. Strum-strum-stop-strum-stop-strum-strum. Strum-str......

I Knit, You Knit, We All Knit

If you live in London you're bound to have heard of the Innocent Village Fete which has been running for the past couple of years - you may even have been along. The posters for this year's festivities - on 2nd & 3rd August - are up in the Underground and all over town but for the uninitiated, Innocent is a fruit juice/smoothie company who have started up a summer 'village fete' styled event in Regents Park, with a good-olde-days-of-yore vibe. Hence all the welly-wanging, morris dancing and ukulele playing.

The charming chaps over at I Knit will be running a knitting tent there over the weekend and yours truly has signed up to teach knitting to the unsuspecting public on the Sunday. I've never tried to teach anyone to knit before so I'm slightly nervous but I'm sure Gerard and co will have plenty of instructions and tips. So if you find yourself over there, do pop by the tent and say hello. And if you've always wanted to give knitting a go but didn't know where to start, here's your chance. Plus the Ukulele Orchestra of Great Britain are playing that day and you haven't heard Smells Like Teen Spirit until you've heard it played on 8 ukuleles...

Kumbahya

There’s a scene from Four Weddings and a Funeral that can give me nightmares: in one of the weddings, a man and a woman with a guitar and a tambourine sit at the front of the church and sing ‘I Can’t Smile Without You’. It’s painful. Torture. Hippy Dippy Hell. And it haunts me every time I play the guitar in public.

However, I think there are ways to avoid the perils of Kumbahya Round the Campfire. So, if people are having a good time (and preferably drinking a little) and ask you to play a tune, here are some ideas if you’re feeling nervous:

1: Play songs people know.
Then they’ll sing and it’s more like live karaoke and there’s less emphasis on your voice.

2: Play songs you know.
Stick to tunes you know you can play and you won’t have to keep stopping and starting as you forget the word/chords/how to do that awkward barre fingering.

3: Work out what suits your voice.
Personally, my voice sounds really quite ok as long as I stick to a fairly low register - I don’t have much range - so work with what you’ve got.

4: Use the people around you.
I have a couple of friends with wonderful singing voices and I know on some songs they’ll sing a harmony that will make the whole thing sound really quite flash and much more impressive than if I sang solo.

5: Discover the cheat songs.
By cheat, I mean the ones that everyone will immediately go gooey over/sing along to/proclaim to be their favourite song ever. Current classic of this would be Hey There Delilah by the Plain White T’s. Good songs that are pretty, not too hard to play and that impress your crowd. There are several modern classics that fall into this category – Hallelujah would be another example. If you're looking to impress someone of the opposite sex, these are usually the tunes to do it.

6: Go back to the good old days.
Like karaoke, this is a great excuse for the cheesy numbers that are great songs everyone loves. Time to bring out Hotel California, Killing Me Softly and pretty much anything by The Beatles.

7: Throw a curve ball.
Add in the odd song people probably won’t know but that will sound good in a non-mainstream, undiscovered-gem way. Often these are personal favourites that really suit your voice. Mine tend to be something like Stolen Car by Beth Orton.

8: Do a cover version.
Try an acoustic version of a non-acoustic song. My current favourite for this is Mr Brightside by the Killers. Or take someone else’s cover – Johnny Cash’s version of One by U2 is easy but impressive, or Joss Stone's take on The White Stripes's Fell In Love With A Girl/Boy.

9: Have a set-list.
Keep in mind a small list of songs that cover some or all of the bases listed here, then you won't panic if you're put on the spot. I have some standard songs that always seem to come out and the nice thing is that, after you do it once, people often request one of them the next time they hear you play.

10: Kill the Hippy.
If possible make sure your outfit contains no flowers, dungarees, gypsy skirts, or raffia. Try to keep beards and long hair within reasonable limits. Try standing, rather than sitting, to play. Never let your audience sit in a circle. Don't play anything that could conceivably be part of a Kindergarten end of term show. On no account give anyone a tambourine.

More Than Words

Words are tricky things. Sometimes they can be deployed with pinpoint accuracy to perfectly encapsulate a single moment or a particular emotion. Sometimes they can be mangled beyond recognition and fail to make any sense, let alone any impact.

Lyrics are even more temperamental. My humble songwriting efforts so far have proved what I long suspected – lyrics are difficult. Or rather, good lyrics are difficult. And The Guardian has picked up on the theme today with this article about truly terrible lyricists. Fortunately they’re going to spend the coming days celebrating the giants of the form – Joni Mitchell, Bob Dylan and so on – but this reminder of the cringeworthy could be enough to make me give up entirely... or at least try and remember to avoid cliches, cocaine and coconuts.

Hey Joni

Feeling rather proud of myself as I have written a song. Yes, indeed, it has a chorus and a couple of verses, something you could charitably describe as a bridge; hell it even has a title.

Now let’s be clear, it’s not a very good song and I haven’t played it to anyone else (there isn’t anyone I’m keen to torture at present). It’s pretty derivative in an angsty, minor-key, chick-with-a-guitar kinda way; its subject matter is hardly revolutionary; so I’m not reinventing the wheel here.

But still, it’s a song and I’m pretty chuffed with it.

And I’ve discovered the whole thing is worryingly addictive. I'm carrying around a notebook and jotting down lyrics on the bus, I'm idly strumming away in front of the TV trying different chords and find I've already put together a couple of others. Once I get on a roll with a particular lyric or find a chord sequence I like the sound of it can take less than an hour to hammer out the basic idea and then it’s a case of tweaking the details - very satisfying.

Still, very early, experimental days. As everyone says, you always sound like the music you listen to to start with but then we all learn by copying at the beginning. The theory goes that over time your own individual style or voice will start to come through (perhaps), so I’m trying not to worry about originality too much at this point and just keep plugging at it. And, in the meantime, it’s a lot of fun playing at being Joni Mitchell in your living room.

Chicks with Guitars

I know, painful cliché. So I’m sorry that I can’t claim to be rewriting history here but what can I say – I like playing the guitar. It’s portable, not too expensive for a beginner, and you really can teach yourself, so what’s not to love? Plus you can strum along to your favourite tunes, taking your shower karaoke to a whole new level as you play out your personal musical fantasies in the privacy of your own home. I just hope you have some thick walls or you won’t be too popular with the neighbours.

Besides, some chicks and their guitars invert the clichéd stereotype and make it their own. Look at Laura Marling – she’s about six, and already sounds world weary and wise beyond her years.
Or Martha Wainwright, with the best song title ever and a nifty line in parental revenge. Or St. Vincent, who manages to rock out with a waltz about the French Revolution.

So whilst the guitar may not be the most original instrument to pick up, there’s no denying it’s pretty versatile. And if you think the guitar is soooo, like, 2002, you could try the Ukulele. Currently enjoying something of a resurgence thanks to some counter-culture folk like these. Although I still can’t quite shake the image of George Formby cleaning his windows.

I've got the luxury of the weekend all to myself, so will definitely be trying to get some practice in. Hope the neighbours don't mind too much...